My name is Carmen Garcia and I'm 22 years old. I was diagnosed with vitiligo at the age of 12. At the time, I thought, "eh," and I just proceeded on with my life as normal. I was still going to school, crushing on boys, playing sports, played in the band/chorus, etc. The vitiligo progressed pretty quickly onto my arms and my face. As soon as people began to notice the vitiligo on my arms and my face, I started covering up with long sleeves. After that, it was years until my arms felt the breeze on them again.
While it got easier in high school, I still always kept wearing long sleeves underneath my jersey during sports games, at concerts, and even outdoor activities. This was very uncomfortable as I was extremely hot and sweaty, but also draining because I wasn't feeling comfortable enough with myself to wear the cute clothes that I actually wanted to wear. After high school and the past few years in college, I've felt mostly empty. I have memories of these years of course, but mentally and emotionally I wasn't really there. I attached myself to people and tried to get them to be who I wanted (or needed) them to be and I always became disappointed. This was because who I really needed was myself.
Social media was a toxic place for me in many ways, mostly because I was seeing images daily of people that I would never look like, and it was all I wished for. For me, I felt that vitiligo had stripped me of my identity and for years, I didn't know who I was. I didn't recognize the face in the mirror and I didn't think highly of myself. There was no magical moment, or a special interaction that caused me to look at myself differently. Although I've been feeling so low and in the dark before for so long, I have always tried to hold onto hope.
This year, hope has gotten me up in the morning each day. I started watching TikToks about mental health and the Law of Attraction. I started to follow positivity pages on Instagram, which had a big impact on my perspective at life in general. I actually started to envision a better and happier life for myself. I stopped being ashamed to be me and I have been working hard on my confidence and self-love. I've been giving myself the love that I needed all along and it is the most fulfilling kind of love I've ever experienced (besides my mother's love, of course). My mother has been a rock throughout all of these years, and there are a handful of people who made me forget that I even had vitiligo when we would spend time together. Since I started posting pictures of myself and being vulnerable on my Instagram page in early November, I've been connecting with so many people from all over the world within the vitiligo community (Turkey, France, Romania, Latin America, Netherlands etc.). This has made me feel so supported and has helped feel less alone as there is a whole community of other people just like me! This has been such a fulfilling process and each day I meet new people with vitiligo, some simply encouraging me, others asking for advice, and even some becoming friends who I FaceTime with!
I want to continue shining a light on vitiligo and informing more people about this condition and the facts. I want to normalize our condition and show others who may be struggling to accept themselves that they are beautiful just the way they are! I truly believe that keeping a positive mindset and believing that I deserve what I want is how I have been able to keep going and to not give up. I want to advocate for mental health which is just as important as physical health and I want to continue to connect with others who may be having trouble with any kind of insecurity!
Story: Carmen Garcia
Editor: Faried Molai
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